Coping with Unemployment

Guest Author, Brian Cole, Ph.D.

Coping with Unemployment

[I am grateful to Brian for contributing this post. I know many of you who have walked this path or are in the middle of it. Hopefully his insights can help on your journey. – Jen]


I know unemployment. I know the isolation, depression, financial stress and crippling feeling of worthlessness that comes with failing to find a full-time job. I have experienced the awkward encounters with family and friends who try to help, but mostly offer well-meaning but futile advice and platitudes. I have experienced the hit to my identity as a man, husband, father, and provider for his family, as well as the general aimlessness that comes to a person who desires to work, with none to be had. I have previously walked this path…a couple of times.


Not surprisingly, research shows that unemployment affects mental health. As summarized by a researcher in a 2003 study on the topic,


“Unemployment is a stressful event that requires adjustment to new daily schedules, economic situations, and demands. Stress is associated with numerous adverse physical and mental outcomes. Unemployment can also threaten an individual’s self-concept or self-identity and deprive him or her of beneficial byproducts often gained from employment. These benefits can be either tangible such as financial reward or intangible such as provision of structure to the individual’s daily routine or enforcement of activity. In addition to possibly affecting health by creating financial strain and inducing psychological stress, unemployment can provoke adverse coping behaviors (eg, smoking, alcohol abuse).”

I can relate to the researcher’s conclusions. But what are some healthy ways to help mitigate these negative effects? I believe taking a fresh perspective not only staves off the negativity, but also leads to personal growth. Below are three lessons I have learned from my past periods of unemployment.


Your True Worth Does Not Come From A Job

The worst part of unemployment to me has been the feelings of worthlessness that come creeping in during the quiet times. I have had a tendency to view much of my worth through accomplishments, and those have been most apparent to me in work contexts. I like to engage my mind, produce something, and be appreciated by others for my efforts. That’s how I feel like I am making some sort of contribution in the world. While I don’t think that it is wrong that these make up part of my identity and self-image, it is clear that putting my primary worth in those things is misguided. I have found that relationships, primarily with my family, are far more important to me and are longer lasting. We all have significant value beyond our jobs, but for some reason we place so much emphasis on our identities as workers. It is important that we recognize our worth as relational beings and how we can contribute to humanity other than through our jobs.


Isolation Is The Enemy

My natural tendency in the past has been to withdraw during periods of unemployment. Much of it is the avoidance of uncomfortable conversations revolving around the world of work, whether it is the new acquaintance asking, “So, what do you do?” or a family member or friend requesting an update on the job search. It is simply easier and less painful to avoid it all. While some time spent alone is healthy and necessary for reflection and introspection, too much of it starts to work against a person. That is when many of the negative thoughts come creeping in. These thoughts, unchecked by the perspective of others, can start to stray from reality and make a person feel alone and different than others. It is positive to interact with others, especially in conversations about your newly discovered worth and activities, which are likely much more interesting conversation topics than your job. Plus, interacting and networking with others is one of the best ways to land your next job!


Unemployment Can Be A Blessing

There are many negative aspects of unemployment, most so obvious that they don’t even need mentioning. However, my experiences have shown me these times can also be seen as gifts; rare blessings to life that aren’t planned or expected. In staying healthy, I believe it is important to recognize and embrace these blessings rather than becoming mired in the difficulties. My periods of unemployment have allowed me time to be more attentive to my family and attend to much-needed work at home instead of being consumed in my outside job. Periods of unemployment can also be a good time to take an inventory on life and career goals. While many people will not quit a job to pursue their dreams, lacking a job might just provide the time, extra motivation, and freedom to take that leap.


With the proper perspective, this time of unemployment can be a time of discovery, reclaimed relationships, and new beginnings, which have been more valuable to me than any job I ever had.



________________________________

Brian Cole, Ph.D., is a writer with eclectic interests, work experiences, and locales. He has earned a doctorate in education and held jobs in college administration, nonprofit management, traditional and experiential instruction and team building, community organizing, and newspaper journalism. He is currently a faculty member in the Ed.D program at Abilene Christian University. He has lived in 9 different states and loves to travel and experience new cultures, people, and a proper cup of coffee. On a path to self-discovery, he is also a personal assessment inventory junky (Enneagram – Type 5, “The Investigator;” MBTI – INTP, “Architects;” and Clifton StrengthFinder – Signature Themes: Deliberative, Intellection, Futuristic, Adaptability, and Strategic). 


Restore Therapy Collective

Doing the Reps: What Running Has Taught Me About Mental Health

By Jonah Maichele • April 20, 2026
As a runner, I’ve learned that progress rarely comes from a single run. Rather, it comes from doing the reps time and time again. Sometimes, it means long miles when my legs feel strong. Other times, it is dragging myself out the door when it’s still pitch black outside, and the temperature is well below freezing. Of course there have been plenty of mornings when the last thing I wanted to do was run (And there still are days I don’t want to). But over time, the runs that felt difficult or like a chore, slowly became part of my routine. Changing behavior and creating a routine often works the same way. Many people come into counseling hoping for a breakthrough moment and/or quick fix, where everything suddenly makes sense and life feels easier. These moments can happen, but lasting change more often comes from practicing new ways of thinking, responding, and caring for yourself over and over again. In other words, it comes from doing the reps. In running, a rep might be a mile repeat or a long training run. In mental health, the reps look different. They might be things like pausing before reacting in a difficult conversation, challenging a negative thought instead of automatically believing it, or practicing a coping skill when anxiety starts to rise. At first, these reps can feel awkward and uncomfortable. Just like starting a new training plan, the effort can feel heavy in the beginning. Our brains adapt in much the same way our bodies do. With each rep, new patterns start to take hold. That coping skill becomes more natural. The pause before reacting becomes easier. That difficult conversation becomes more manageable. Here are some reps you can give a try Drink a full glass of water when you wake up in the morning. Take five minutes before bed to simply focus on your breathing. Step outside for a short walk, even if it’s just around the block. Pause and take three slow breaths when you notice stress building. Write down one thing you’re grateful for at the end of the day. Remember! The goal isn’t perfection. It’s getting in the reps. Start with something small, even if it feels too easy. Some days the reps will feel easier than others. Some days they’ll feel heavy. Change tends to come from continuing to show up anyway. And eventually, the things that once felt difficult start to feel normal. That’s when real change begins to take hold.  Jonah Maichele is a counseling intern at Restore Therapy Collective. In his free time, Jonah enjoys running, playing guitar, and hammocking at the beach. His favorite foods include sushi, orange chicken, and his grandma’s specialty gnocchis.

Riding in Harmony: A New Way to Understand Your Emotions

By Morgan Peterson, LLMFT, LLPC • February 25, 2026
I so often hear things like, “I know I shouldn’t get angry, but I do,” or, “I get so anxious, and I should just let it go.” It’s a common refrain of things that should be done and ways we should behave. We talk about emotions as something to control rather than work alongside, but what would happen if we learned to work with our emotions rather than against them? Think of our emotions as a horse—they’re instinctual, reactive, powerful, and often rooted in survival mechanisms. Just like a horse, they can be strong and seemingly unpredictable. Now think of the rational part of ourselves as the rider of the horse; this is the part of us that plans, is logical, and tries to stay in control to lead us in deliberate direction. The goal isn’t to “break” the horse and give the rider total control, and the goal is also not to let the horse run wild. The goal is to build a relationship between the two. When the horse and rider work together in harmony, the journey is smooth. The horse provides energy and motivation while the rider offers direction and guidance. If the horse is too in charge, it might bolt with fear, anger, or desire, and this can lead us off trail. If the rider is too dominating, they may ignore signals from the horse until it erupts, or the horse is stifled to the point of low energy and lack of motivation. Therapeutic work often involves helping the rider understand and work with the horse by learning how to notice, respond to, and gently guide it. The goal isn’t control, but connection. It’s about building relationship between emotions and our rational selves to encourage understanding, respect, and resiliency within ourselves. We can listen to our emotions without being overwhelmed by them, and we can use our rational mind without it becoming a harsh inner-critic. Emotional regulation isn’t about silencing emotions, but learning to ride with them. Morgan Peterson, LLMFT, LLPC, is a therapist at Restore Therapy Collective. Morgan’s passion is helping people improve their relationships—with others and with themselves. When not in session, you can find her gardening, knitting, reading, or doing other “grandma” hobbies.

Child Therapy is Family Therapy

By Melanie Freeland, LLPC • November 3, 2025
There aren’t many more distressing ideas for parents than the thought of their child in emotional pain. Parents contact me often in a panic because they believe their child is struggling, and they feel as if they, as parents, are failing. That may be why it’s often surprising that the first direct question I ask at a parent consultation is, “How are YOU doing?” Children Don’t Exist in Isolation What brings a child to therapy is often a reflection of the distress the entire family system is experiencing. From the moment a child is born, their nervous system is shaped by things as seemingly minute as tone of voice and facial expressions. Stress experienced by parents and other caregivers does not go unnoticed. The difference with children is that they, developmentally, do not have the capacity to see themselves as separate from a caregiver’s stress, the boundaries haven’t been formed yet. Something as simple as a string of bad days at work for a caregiver can be interpreted by a child as a failing on their part. In other words, a child’s mental health is not just about their inner world, but about the “relational web” they are a part of every day. This ABSOLUTELY does not mean caregivers are ‘at fault’ for their child’s distress. It does mean that engaging in the therapy process and growing skills to model within the family system can be the biggest contributor to long-term therapeutic success. The Family as Co-Therapist; What does it mean to engage in the therapy process? Child therapists have different views on what constitutes best practice for parental involvement in therapy. Filial play therapists, who work with the entire family system (parents and kids at the same time) through play, have parents attend every session. Child-centered play therapists meet with parents separately on a regular schedule. Other child therapists may meet with parents for a few minutes during each session. There is no one correct model, but there are a few things to expect while working with your child’s therapist. Learning new skills : Identifying areas of difficulty (such as co-regulation, routines, or limit setting) and trying new strategies that work for the WHOLE family. Becoming situationally reflective, not self derogatory : Working toward a mindset of “What is my child communicating to me right now?” instead of “What am I doing wrong?” Growing in confidence and self-compassion : Internalizing the understanding that your job as a parent is not to solve every problem, but to help yourself remain regulated so that you can be with your child as they learn about the world around them. A Collaborative Journey The end goal of therapy for a child may not be for the child to be able to perfectly manage all situations. In fact, I would go so far as to say that SHOULDN’T be the end goal. Instead, working with a therapist to uncover what a child is bringing to the family system and finding ways to address the whole system can lead to faster and longer lasting therapeutic change. I challenge all parents to think of therapy for their child as a collaborative journey for the whole family, and find positive change for themselves in the journey as well. Melanie Freeland is a therapist at Restore Therapy Collective specializing in relational trauma and attachment. When she’s not with clients, she’s likely reading, baking, or spending time with her family. To schedule an appointment with Melanie, please send a secure message through our contact form .
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