Coping with Unemployment

Guest Author, Brian Cole, Ph.D.

Coping with Unemployment

[I am grateful to Brian for contributing this post. I know many of you who have walked this path or are in the middle of it. Hopefully his insights can help on your journey. – Jen]


I know unemployment. I know the isolation, depression, financial stress and crippling feeling of worthlessness that comes with failing to find a full-time job. I have experienced the awkward encounters with family and friends who try to help, but mostly offer well-meaning but futile advice and platitudes. I have experienced the hit to my identity as a man, husband, father, and provider for his family, as well as the general aimlessness that comes to a person who desires to work, with none to be had. I have previously walked this path…a couple of times.


Not surprisingly, research shows that unemployment affects mental health. As summarized by a researcher in a 2003 study on the topic,


“Unemployment is a stressful event that requires adjustment to new daily schedules, economic situations, and demands. Stress is associated with numerous adverse physical and mental outcomes. Unemployment can also threaten an individual’s self-concept or self-identity and deprive him or her of beneficial byproducts often gained from employment. These benefits can be either tangible such as financial reward or intangible such as provision of structure to the individual’s daily routine or enforcement of activity. In addition to possibly affecting health by creating financial strain and inducing psychological stress, unemployment can provoke adverse coping behaviors (eg, smoking, alcohol abuse).”

I can relate to the researcher’s conclusions. But what are some healthy ways to help mitigate these negative effects? I believe taking a fresh perspective not only staves off the negativity, but also leads to personal growth. Below are three lessons I have learned from my past periods of unemployment.


Your True Worth Does Not Come From A Job

The worst part of unemployment to me has been the feelings of worthlessness that come creeping in during the quiet times. I have had a tendency to view much of my worth through accomplishments, and those have been most apparent to me in work contexts. I like to engage my mind, produce something, and be appreciated by others for my efforts. That’s how I feel like I am making some sort of contribution in the world. While I don’t think that it is wrong that these make up part of my identity and self-image, it is clear that putting my primary worth in those things is misguided. I have found that relationships, primarily with my family, are far more important to me and are longer lasting. We all have significant value beyond our jobs, but for some reason we place so much emphasis on our identities as workers. It is important that we recognize our worth as relational beings and how we can contribute to humanity other than through our jobs.


Isolation Is The Enemy

My natural tendency in the past has been to withdraw during periods of unemployment. Much of it is the avoidance of uncomfortable conversations revolving around the world of work, whether it is the new acquaintance asking, “So, what do you do?” or a family member or friend requesting an update on the job search. It is simply easier and less painful to avoid it all. While some time spent alone is healthy and necessary for reflection and introspection, too much of it starts to work against a person. That is when many of the negative thoughts come creeping in. These thoughts, unchecked by the perspective of others, can start to stray from reality and make a person feel alone and different than others. It is positive to interact with others, especially in conversations about your newly discovered worth and activities, which are likely much more interesting conversation topics than your job. Plus, interacting and networking with others is one of the best ways to land your next job!


Unemployment Can Be A Blessing

There are many negative aspects of unemployment, most so obvious that they don’t even need mentioning. However, my experiences have shown me these times can also be seen as gifts; rare blessings to life that aren’t planned or expected. In staying healthy, I believe it is important to recognize and embrace these blessings rather than becoming mired in the difficulties. My periods of unemployment have allowed me time to be more attentive to my family and attend to much-needed work at home instead of being consumed in my outside job. Periods of unemployment can also be a good time to take an inventory on life and career goals. While many people will not quit a job to pursue their dreams, lacking a job might just provide the time, extra motivation, and freedom to take that leap.


With the proper perspective, this time of unemployment can be a time of discovery, reclaimed relationships, and new beginnings, which have been more valuable to me than any job I ever had.



________________________________

Brian Cole, Ph.D., is a writer with eclectic interests, work experiences, and locales. He has earned a doctorate in education and held jobs in college administration, nonprofit management, traditional and experiential instruction and team building, community organizing, and newspaper journalism. He is currently a faculty member in the Ed.D program at Abilene Christian University. He has lived in 9 different states and loves to travel and experience new cultures, people, and a proper cup of coffee. On a path to self-discovery, he is also a personal assessment inventory junky (Enneagram – Type 5, “The Investigator;” MBTI – INTP, “Architects;” and Clifton StrengthFinder – Signature Themes: Deliberative, Intellection, Futuristic, Adaptability, and Strategic). 


Restore Therapy Collective

Stress Can Make You Healthier

By Jason Anderson, LMSW • September 18, 2026
Ok, sort of true. Actually, what we believe about stress can make us healthier, and happier. When I was teaching as an adjunct professor at GVSU, I consistently showed one Ted Talk that I thought all college students, especially future social workers, needed to watch. It is entitled “How to Make Stress Your Friend” (2013), given by health psychologist Kelly McGonigal, PhD, from Stanford University (video posted below). In this talk, Dr. McGonigal highlights the devastating effects stress can have on our bodies, especially our cardiovascular health. When we are experiencing chronic or acute moments of stress, our central nervous system is activated and adrenaline is released, initiating the well-known “fight or flight” response. This response can have negative consequences on our heart health, as well as our mood (anxiety and fear), and our brain’s ability to problem solve or think clearly. However, because our bodies are so wonderful, we also have a natural protective hormone that helps us stay relaxed in stress, known as oxytocin. Oxytocin counters the adrenaline response to create a desire for social support, connection, and comfort; potentially leading to positive effects of social bonding, stress regulation and improved mental health ( Olff et al., 2013 ). Once again, these positive effects are true for those who interpret, or believe, the physical cues of stress to be safe and helpful. As a practitioner of cognitive behavioral therapy, this concept rings true for me. How we frame events in our thoughts, including our body’s physiological responses, leads directly to corresponding emotions and behaviors. Therefore, stress has the potential to cause us anxiety, sickness, fear, obsessive worry, muscle tension and so on. It also offers the opportunity, if we become skilled at cognitive reframing, to lead us into deeper friendships, love, trust, connection, meaning, purpose, joy and even courage! So how do we take the oxytocin invitation, and reduce the impact of the adrenaline trap? To paraphrase Robert Frost, here is where we take the path less traveled, and it will make all the difference. In my experience as a therapist, the oxytocin path is the one less traveled. While it will likely take some significant cognitive reframing to reorient our interpretive thoughts, and often a trained therapist to guide us through some sections, here are three trail markers I’ve noticed along the way. Friendship People typically respond to stress in one of two ways: isolate or connect. The path less traveled here seems to be connection. So many of us are conditioned to lean into self-reliance, a strong work ethic, and a good smile to bear the impact of stressful challenges alone. This isolation can be very painful, and loneliness can exacerbate both depression and anxiety. We can learn, however, that the healthier and more effective response is to reach out and connect, to ask for help, and to enhance the protective benefits of oxytocin through deep, trusting relationships. Some of the best advice you can give a friend, or yourself, is that you don’t have to do it alone. Dr Carl Rogers, one of my all-time favorite therapists, established three core characteristics of relationships that are effective at creating connection and personal growth; genuineness, unconditional acceptance, and empathy (understanding). If you have a friend like this, ask them for a big hug and an hour to chat the next time you’re about to crash out! If you need more help, reach out to a therapist who is committed to connecting with clients by being genuine, accepting, and understanding. Faith In this context, I bring up faith to mean a connection to something larger than yourself. While many have specific religious interpretations and community practices around the word faith, I use it here in its broadest sense. Faith as in a trust, confidence, or allegiance to something. It’s what gives us meaning and purpose in life. We can have faith in a project, faith in an ideal or virtue, faith in a process or even our own capabilities. When stress hits hard, faith provides a bird’s eye view from which to look down on the stress and see it as temporary, or smaller than it feels in the moment. To have faith, to be connected, to the virtues, beliefs, or goals that we believe in most can function like a compass in a storm, and keep us moving in the direction we have chosen. Instead of suffering in fear and doubt, it is time to lean on our beliefs and commit ourselves to the purpose and goals we have found in our life. Dr. McGonigal sees this as courage, interpreting the stress response as preparing our mind and body for action. There is nothing better to do with courage than press on towards the goals, beliefs, or values we have the most faith in. So, keep testing, exploring, and clarifying your faith. What do you really believe in? Forests Forest therapy is a growing field, accumulating scientific evidence for the stress relieving benefits many of us have felt throughout our life. The full rationale and protocol of sylvotherapy (forest therapy) is beyond the scope of this blog, however, I want to provide a sample that may encourage and inspire the reader to begin an immersive journey into reconnecting with nature as a positive stress response. Throughout my life I have instinctively sought out wild places; waterfalls, mountains trails, deep forests, deserted ocean beaches. These places just made me feel good…happier, peaceful, less stressed. It turns out these places are full of higher oxygen concentrations, negative ions created by moving water and growing plants, helpful soil bacteria, vibrant natural colors and textures, and often free from noise, light, and air pollution. I realized at one point that I had subconsciously created a protocol in which every 6 weeks I would seek an immersive weekend in nature as my stress management self-care routine. Stress was driving me “into the forest” where I was receiving physical and mental health benefits! Now, to be fair, I wasn’t just walking in the woods. I was applying therapeutic techniques and skills such as mindfulness, meditation, cognitive refocusing, and using all senses to connect with my natural surroundings. I have since taken up a course of study in forest therapy in order to become a certified guide for others to find the same health benefits that I find so sacred. A walk in the woods is still valuable (do it for at least 30 minutes) but there is a depth of mental health benefits from forest therapy that you can find on your own, or with a trained guide. Stress is harmful, but it is not inevitable. As Dr. McGonigal (2013) states, How you think and how you act can transform your experience of stress. When you choose to view your stress response as helpful, you create the biology of courage. Stress gives us access to our hearts. The compassionate heart that finds joy and meaning in connecting with others, and your pounding physical heart working hard to give you strength and energy! If you’re in a place of chronic stress, or have been hit hard by a stressful event, take a few minutes to watch my favorite Ted Talk, and reach out to a friend or a professional who can help you find the path less traveled, the oxytocin invitation to social bonding, courage, and even a happier mood! Jason Anderson, LMSW is a therapist at Restore Therapy Collective. Jason’s work stems from a desire to see people overcome personal barriers, form authentic relationships, and appreciate the beauty around them. Jason also has a deep love for using principles of forest therapy to bring people to new discoveries within themselves and foster a greater love for the natural world.

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The Space Between Doubt & Faith

By Kevin Dykstra, MDiv • June 12, 2026
Having served both as an ordained pastor and as a mental health professional, I have repeatedly heard strong emotions surrounding the idea of deconstructing - a process in which individuals systematically evaluate and question religious and spiritual beliefs and practices. Most often, I hear fear and anxiety from those who are personally wrestling with deconstruction or watching someone they love go through it. Such fears frequently include: - Fear of divine retribution or punishment - Fear that a loved one will abandon their faith - Fear of losing community or damaging family relationships - Fear of losing one’s identity - Grief over the loss of certainty - Fear of losing meaning or purpose This list could go on, of course, and it is not meant to be exhaustive. The point is that the idea of deconstruction can be highly intimidating for many people and it often brings up significant fear and distress, leading people to seek guidance from trusted faith leaders and mental health professionals. Unfortunately, there are also many less-than-helpful beliefs about what it means to undergo the process of deconstruction. So let's break some of these down: Deconstruction inevitably leads to abandoning religious belief Deconstruction is defined as a process - a process of evaluating, analyzing, and questioning one's own religiosity and/or spirituality. Engaging in this process does not, however, naturally lead to the abandonment of religious belief. Some individuals ultimately step away from religious identification altogether (de-identify), while others move toward reconstruction - retaining some elements of faith, though often reshaped. In fact, some have argued that a cycle of deconstruction and reconstruction may result in a more mature faith and may be a natural part of human growth and development. Things won't get better after deconstructing One thing we know about spirituality and religiosity is that they are incredibly sticky. What I mean by that is that they are incredibly powerful social forces and have deep impacts on our identity, morality, community, and even emotional reflexes. The impact of religion and spirituality can sometimes be hard to shake, even if you have left your religion or reconstructed with a new religious identity and understanding. For example, someone who has left a rigid religious environment may find themselves reproducing similar all-or-nothing, black-and-white thinking patterns in secular contexts. Other individuals might find that they struggle to shake a fear of divine punishment or retribution, despite having stopped believing in either hell or God. This is normal. Over time, though, many individuals' distress or struggles in these areas do soften in intensity. Reasons for deconstruction can be boiled down to one cause Reasons for undergoing the process of deconstruction vary. For some, deconstruction begins with an internal sense that what they were taught to think and believe conflicts with the behaviors or gut sense of what they believe to be true, launching the person into a period of intellectual questioning. Others begin deconstruction as a direct result of religious trauma and abuses experienced in religious/spiritual contexts. Others begin the process after experiencing a profound loss or death that their faith system does not seem able to explain or make sense of. Point being: the reasons for deconstruction vary and often begin with honest, sincere questions, doubts, concerns, and a search for answers or truth.  If you or someone you care about is facing challenges associated with deconstruction, though, what can you do? Be patient Remember that deconstruction is a process, not a single decision, event, or destination. This process may take time and may not be forced. And if you have left religion or spirituality behind, remember that the emotional intensity associated with previous beliefs often softens over time, and you may notice that your distress gradually lessens. Seek out a trusted religious/spiritual leader or other wise and trusted mentor You may be surprised to find that your religious leader has undergone a similar process or has resources that might be able to help you navigate this issue. The process of deconstruction does not have to be explicitly anti-religious and some individuals may find they benefit from addressing their concerns with faith leaders. Seek out a mental health professional The process of deconstruction can result in feeling highly anxious, depressed, or that life feels unbearable. Finding a mental health professional who understands the process of faith change, respects you and your journey, and can provide resources for coping with related mental health concerns can be tremendously helpful. Find resources related to deconstruction, faith change, religious/spiritual trauma, and other related issues There is an increasing number of resources aimed at helping individuals dealing with these issues, including the book used as inspiration for this article written by a Hope College professor of psychology and director of the Frost Center, Dr, Daryl R. Van Tongeren (2024). Books, audiobooks, and podcasts from professionals and individuals with lived experience may help you gain a greater appreciation and awareness for what you are experiencing.
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