Concerned, Yet Hopeful: Part 2

Jason Anderson, LMSW

In my last blog I outlined the mental health challenges facing our teens today. From unlimited screen time and social media, to overparenting and uber organized lives that leave little time for self-directed activity. The concept of internal locus of control suggests that kids and teens need age-appropriate freedoms and training in order to achieve the developmental task of self-efficacy. Self-efficacy is simply defined as one’s belief that they have the power to affect positive outcomes that influence their well-being.


With a strong sense of self-efficacy, a person is able to engage challenges in life as an opportunity for mastery rather than a threat to avoid. Imagine your teen (or yourself) approaching a problem as an opportunity for mastery rather than a threat to avoid. Again, teens with an internal locus of control are more willing to engage and overcome challenges because they have developed the belief that they are capable of reaching a positive outcome. On the contrary, teens with a predominantly external locus of control have learned that the conditions around them are responsible for the outcome. You can see which group is better suited to solve academic challenges, adapt to a new social group, build a satisfying relationship, or learn a new job.

The year I graduated high school a powerful and controversial film was released, “Dead Poets Society” (1989). This film was set in an all-boys preparatory school. The beginning of the film shows us the boys reciting their creed, dressed in their uniforms, dutifully following the rules, and marching in step. They are separated from the world and meticulously managed. The school, their parents, and society expect a lot from these talented young men, and it has them passive and melancholy. Then they meet their new English professor (Robin Williams) who uses the romantic poets to challenge the boys (and staff) to think for themselves, to find their own way, to choose their own passions. Let’s look at some of the lines from the film in the light of internal vs external locus of control:


Neil Perry: “I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life” – taken from Henry David Thoreau


John Keating: “Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary”.


John Keating: “You must strive to find your own voice because the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are going to find it at all”.


Charlie (lamenting): “Gotta do more, gotta be more….my parents made me take the clarinet for years, I hated it. But the saxophone, its more sonorous.”


John Keating: “That you are here – that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse”.


Now, like most stories of adolescent freedom or individuality, this one ends in tragedy. But the tragedy is not due to the empowering of the boys, it’s the lack of support they receive from the adults in their life as they attempt to develop their own internal locus of control. Each step they take towards self-efficacy (playing the saxophone, joining a play, building a radio, asking a girl on a date) is followed with enthusiasm and joy. As they learn to seize the day, find their voice, contribute their verse, the boys show a growing sense of confidence and self-efficacy.


Yet they need the support of the adults in their lives. Parents, teachers, and society still hold power to oppose these gains. And so, every developing young person needs their own cheerleader; parents who encourage and love, teachers who allow free and critical thought, counselors who teach mental and emotional resilience. Children and teens must be allowed to take on the risks and challenges of their lives, but they do need our adult guidance and expertise. They need effective tools and lessons from adults to be equipped to meet developmental milestones, such as self-efficacy, with success.


If you have a teen or child that appears to be struggling with depression, anxiety, or lack of motivation and joy, this is a good place to start. The teenage years do not have to be as bad as we are led to believe. Teenagers are not by nature lazy, unmotivated, disinterested, sad, scared, mopey, or angry. Those are symptoms that they don’t feel empowered and equipped to take on life and see a positive outcome. Those are signs that they have not yet found their own voice, are not contributing their verse, and living deliberately. It means they need help in learning how.


Listen to their language. Do you hear phrases such as “I can do it”, “I can try”, “I want to improve, or learn, or explore” this or that thing? If not, they may need some additional training to more fully develop their sense of self-efficacy and internal locus of control. Reaching out to a qualified counselor with experience in these areas might be a good first step.

Jason Anderson, LMSW is a therapist at Restore Therapy Collective. Jason’s work stems from a desire to see people overcome personal barriers, form authentic relationships, and appreciate the beauty around them. Jason also has a deep love for using wilderness travel adventures to bring people to new discoveries within themselves and foster a greater love for the natural world. 

Restore Therapy Collective

Stress Can Make You Healthier

By Jason Anderson, LMSW • September 18, 2026
Ok, sort of true. Actually, what we believe about stress can make us healthier, and happier. When I was teaching as an adjunct professor at GVSU, I consistently showed one Ted Talk that I thought all college students, especially future social workers, needed to watch. It is entitled “How to Make Stress Your Friend” (2013), given by health psychologist Kelly McGonigal, PhD, from Stanford University (video posted below). In this talk, Dr. McGonigal highlights the devastating effects stress can have on our bodies, especially our cardiovascular health. When we are experiencing chronic or acute moments of stress, our central nervous system is activated and adrenaline is released, initiating the well-known “fight or flight” response. This response can have negative consequences on our heart health, as well as our mood (anxiety and fear), and our brain’s ability to problem solve or think clearly. However, because our bodies are so wonderful, we also have a natural protective hormone that helps us stay relaxed in stress, known as oxytocin. Oxytocin counters the adrenaline response to create a desire for social support, connection, and comfort; potentially leading to positive effects of social bonding, stress regulation and improved mental health ( Olff et al., 2013 ). Once again, these positive effects are true for those who interpret, or believe, the physical cues of stress to be safe and helpful. As a practitioner of cognitive behavioral therapy, this concept rings true for me. How we frame events in our thoughts, including our body’s physiological responses, leads directly to corresponding emotions and behaviors. Therefore, stress has the potential to cause us anxiety, sickness, fear, obsessive worry, muscle tension and so on. It also offers the opportunity, if we become skilled at cognitive reframing, to lead us into deeper friendships, love, trust, connection, meaning, purpose, joy and even courage! So how do we take the oxytocin invitation, and reduce the impact of the adrenaline trap? To paraphrase Robert Frost, here is where we take the path less traveled, and it will make all the difference. In my experience as a therapist, the oxytocin path is the one less traveled. While it will likely take some significant cognitive reframing to reorient our interpretive thoughts, and often a trained therapist to guide us through some sections, here are three trail markers I’ve noticed along the way. Friendship People typically respond to stress in one of two ways: isolate or connect. The path less traveled here seems to be connection. So many of us are conditioned to lean into self-reliance, a strong work ethic, and a good smile to bear the impact of stressful challenges alone. This isolation can be very painful, and loneliness can exacerbate both depression and anxiety. We can learn, however, that the healthier and more effective response is to reach out and connect, to ask for help, and to enhance the protective benefits of oxytocin through deep, trusting relationships. Some of the best advice you can give a friend, or yourself, is that you don’t have to do it alone. Dr Carl Rogers, one of my all-time favorite therapists, established three core characteristics of relationships that are effective at creating connection and personal growth; genuineness, unconditional acceptance, and empathy (understanding). If you have a friend like this, ask them for a big hug and an hour to chat the next time you’re about to crash out! If you need more help, reach out to a therapist who is committed to connecting with clients by being genuine, accepting, and understanding. Faith In this context, I bring up faith to mean a connection to something larger than yourself. While many have specific religious interpretations and community practices around the word faith, I use it here in its broadest sense. Faith as in a trust, confidence, or allegiance to something. It’s what gives us meaning and purpose in life. We can have faith in a project, faith in an ideal or virtue, faith in a process or even our own capabilities. When stress hits hard, faith provides a bird’s eye view from which to look down on the stress and see it as temporary, or smaller than it feels in the moment. To have faith, to be connected, to the virtues, beliefs, or goals that we believe in most can function like a compass in a storm, and keep us moving in the direction we have chosen. Instead of suffering in fear and doubt, it is time to lean on our beliefs and commit ourselves to the purpose and goals we have found in our life. Dr. McGonigal sees this as courage, interpreting the stress response as preparing our mind and body for action. There is nothing better to do with courage than press on towards the goals, beliefs, or values we have the most faith in. So, keep testing, exploring, and clarifying your faith. What do you really believe in? Forests Forest therapy is a growing field, accumulating scientific evidence for the stress relieving benefits many of us have felt throughout our life. The full rationale and protocol of sylvotherapy (forest therapy) is beyond the scope of this blog, however, I want to provide a sample that may encourage and inspire the reader to begin an immersive journey into reconnecting with nature as a positive stress response. Throughout my life I have instinctively sought out wild places; waterfalls, mountains trails, deep forests, deserted ocean beaches. These places just made me feel good…happier, peaceful, less stressed. It turns out these places are full of higher oxygen concentrations, negative ions created by moving water and growing plants, helpful soil bacteria, vibrant natural colors and textures, and often free from noise, light, and air pollution. I realized at one point that I had subconsciously created a protocol in which every 6 weeks I would seek an immersive weekend in nature as my stress management self-care routine. Stress was driving me “into the forest” where I was receiving physical and mental health benefits! Now, to be fair, I wasn’t just walking in the woods. I was applying therapeutic techniques and skills such as mindfulness, meditation, cognitive refocusing, and using all senses to connect with my natural surroundings. I have since taken up a course of study in forest therapy in order to become a certified guide for others to find the same health benefits that I find so sacred. A walk in the woods is still valuable (do it for at least 30 minutes) but there is a depth of mental health benefits from forest therapy that you can find on your own, or with a trained guide. Stress is harmful, but it is not inevitable. As Dr. McGonigal (2013) states, How you think and how you act can transform your experience of stress. When you choose to view your stress response as helpful, you create the biology of courage. Stress gives us access to our hearts. The compassionate heart that finds joy and meaning in connecting with others, and your pounding physical heart working hard to give you strength and energy! If you’re in a place of chronic stress, or have been hit hard by a stressful event, take a few minutes to watch my favorite Ted Talk, and reach out to a friend or a professional who can help you find the path less traveled, the oxytocin invitation to social bonding, courage, and even a happier mood! Jason Anderson, LMSW is a therapist at Restore Therapy Collective. Jason’s work stems from a desire to see people overcome personal barriers, form authentic relationships, and appreciate the beauty around them. Jason also has a deep love for using principles of forest therapy to bring people to new discoveries within themselves and foster a greater love for the natural world.

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By Hailey Yatros, LLMFT • August 24, 2026
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The Space Between Doubt & Faith

By Kevin Dykstra, MDiv • June 12, 2026
Having served both as an ordained pastor and as a mental health professional, I have repeatedly heard strong emotions surrounding the idea of deconstructing - a process in which individuals systematically evaluate and question religious and spiritual beliefs and practices. Most often, I hear fear and anxiety from those who are personally wrestling with deconstruction or watching someone they love go through it. Such fears frequently include: - Fear of divine retribution or punishment - Fear that a loved one will abandon their faith - Fear of losing community or damaging family relationships - Fear of losing one’s identity - Grief over the loss of certainty - Fear of losing meaning or purpose This list could go on, of course, and it is not meant to be exhaustive. The point is that the idea of deconstruction can be highly intimidating for many people and it often brings up significant fear and distress, leading people to seek guidance from trusted faith leaders and mental health professionals. Unfortunately, there are also many less-than-helpful beliefs about what it means to undergo the process of deconstruction. So let's break some of these down: Deconstruction inevitably leads to abandoning religious belief Deconstruction is defined as a process - a process of evaluating, analyzing, and questioning one's own religiosity and/or spirituality. Engaging in this process does not, however, naturally lead to the abandonment of religious belief. Some individuals ultimately step away from religious identification altogether (de-identify), while others move toward reconstruction - retaining some elements of faith, though often reshaped. In fact, some have argued that a cycle of deconstruction and reconstruction may result in a more mature faith and may be a natural part of human growth and development. Things won't get better after deconstructing One thing we know about spirituality and religiosity is that they are incredibly sticky. What I mean by that is that they are incredibly powerful social forces and have deep impacts on our identity, morality, community, and even emotional reflexes. The impact of religion and spirituality can sometimes be hard to shake, even if you have left your religion or reconstructed with a new religious identity and understanding. For example, someone who has left a rigid religious environment may find themselves reproducing similar all-or-nothing, black-and-white thinking patterns in secular contexts. Other individuals might find that they struggle to shake a fear of divine punishment or retribution, despite having stopped believing in either hell or God. This is normal. Over time, though, many individuals' distress or struggles in these areas do soften in intensity. Reasons for deconstruction can be boiled down to one cause Reasons for undergoing the process of deconstruction vary. For some, deconstruction begins with an internal sense that what they were taught to think and believe conflicts with the behaviors or gut sense of what they believe to be true, launching the person into a period of intellectual questioning. Others begin deconstruction as a direct result of religious trauma and abuses experienced in religious/spiritual contexts. Others begin the process after experiencing a profound loss or death that their faith system does not seem able to explain or make sense of. Point being: the reasons for deconstruction vary and often begin with honest, sincere questions, doubts, concerns, and a search for answers or truth.  If you or someone you care about is facing challenges associated with deconstruction, though, what can you do? Be patient Remember that deconstruction is a process, not a single decision, event, or destination. This process may take time and may not be forced. And if you have left religion or spirituality behind, remember that the emotional intensity associated with previous beliefs often softens over time, and you may notice that your distress gradually lessens. Seek out a trusted religious/spiritual leader or other wise and trusted mentor You may be surprised to find that your religious leader has undergone a similar process or has resources that might be able to help you navigate this issue. The process of deconstruction does not have to be explicitly anti-religious and some individuals may find they benefit from addressing their concerns with faith leaders. Seek out a mental health professional The process of deconstruction can result in feeling highly anxious, depressed, or that life feels unbearable. Finding a mental health professional who understands the process of faith change, respects you and your journey, and can provide resources for coping with related mental health concerns can be tremendously helpful. Find resources related to deconstruction, faith change, religious/spiritual trauma, and other related issues There is an increasing number of resources aimed at helping individuals dealing with these issues, including the book used as inspiration for this article written by a Hope College professor of psychology and director of the Frost Center, Dr, Daryl R. Van Tongeren (2024). Books, audiobooks, and podcasts from professionals and individuals with lived experience may help you gain a greater appreciation and awareness for what you are experiencing.
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