Concerned, Yet Hopeful: Part 2

Jason Anderson, LMSW

In my last blog I outlined the mental health challenges facing our teens today. From unlimited screen time and social media, to overparenting and uber organized lives that leave little time for self-directed activity. The concept of internal locus of control suggests that kids and teens need age-appropriate freedoms and training in order to achieve the developmental task of self-efficacy. Self-efficacy is simply defined as one’s belief that they have the power to affect positive outcomes that influence their well-being.


With a strong sense of self-efficacy, a person is able to engage challenges in life as an opportunity for mastery rather than a threat to avoid. Imagine your teen (or yourself) approaching a problem as an opportunity for mastery rather than a threat to avoid. Again, teens with an internal locus of control are more willing to engage and overcome challenges because they have developed the belief that they are capable of reaching a positive outcome. On the contrary, teens with a predominantly external locus of control have learned that the conditions around them are responsible for the outcome. You can see which group is better suited to solve academic challenges, adapt to a new social group, build a satisfying relationship, or learn a new job.

The year I graduated high school a powerful and controversial film was released, “Dead Poets Society” (1989). This film was set in an all-boys preparatory school. The beginning of the film shows us the boys reciting their creed, dressed in their uniforms, dutifully following the rules, and marching in step. They are separated from the world and meticulously managed. The school, their parents, and society expect a lot from these talented young men, and it has them passive and melancholy. Then they meet their new English professor (Robin Williams) who uses the romantic poets to challenge the boys (and staff) to think for themselves, to find their own way, to choose their own passions. Let’s look at some of the lines from the film in the light of internal vs external locus of control:


Neil Perry: “I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life” – taken from Henry David Thoreau


John Keating: “Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary”.


John Keating: “You must strive to find your own voice because the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are going to find it at all”.


Charlie (lamenting): “Gotta do more, gotta be more….my parents made me take the clarinet for years, I hated it. But the saxophone, its more sonorous.”


John Keating: “That you are here – that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse”.


Now, like most stories of adolescent freedom or individuality, this one ends in tragedy. But the tragedy is not due to the empowering of the boys, it’s the lack of support they receive from the adults in their life as they attempt to develop their own internal locus of control. Each step they take towards self-efficacy (playing the saxophone, joining a play, building a radio, asking a girl on a date) is followed with enthusiasm and joy. As they learn to seize the day, find their voice, contribute their verse, the boys show a growing sense of confidence and self-efficacy.


Yet they need the support of the adults in their lives. Parents, teachers, and society still hold power to oppose these gains. And so, every developing young person needs their own cheerleader; parents who encourage and love, teachers who allow free and critical thought, counselors who teach mental and emotional resilience. Children and teens must be allowed to take on the risks and challenges of their lives, but they do need our adult guidance and expertise. They need effective tools and lessons from adults to be equipped to meet developmental milestones, such as self-efficacy, with success.


If you have a teen or child that appears to be struggling with depression, anxiety, or lack of motivation and joy, this is a good place to start. The teenage years do not have to be as bad as we are led to believe. Teenagers are not by nature lazy, unmotivated, disinterested, sad, scared, mopey, or angry. Those are symptoms that they don’t feel empowered and equipped to take on life and see a positive outcome. Those are signs that they have not yet found their own voice, are not contributing their verse, and living deliberately. It means they need help in learning how.


Listen to their language. Do you hear phrases such as “I can do it”, “I can try”, “I want to improve, or learn, or explore” this or that thing? If not, they may need some additional training to more fully develop their sense of self-efficacy and internal locus of control. Reaching out to a qualified counselor with experience in these areas might be a good first step.

Jason Anderson, LMSW is a therapist at Restore Therapy Collective. Jason’s work stems from a desire to see people overcome personal barriers, form authentic relationships, and appreciate the beauty around them. Jason also has a deep love for using wilderness travel adventures to bring people to new discoveries within themselves and foster a greater love for the natural world. 

Restore Therapy Collective

Doing the Reps: What Running Has Taught Me About Mental Health

By Jonah Maichele • April 20, 2026
As a runner, I’ve learned that progress rarely comes from a single run. Rather, it comes from doing the reps time and time again. Sometimes, it means long miles when my legs feel strong. Other times, it is dragging myself out the door when it’s still pitch black outside, and the temperature is well below freezing. Of course there have been plenty of mornings when the last thing I wanted to do was run (And there still are days I don’t want to). But over time, the runs that felt difficult or like a chore, slowly became part of my routine. Changing behavior and creating a routine often works the same way. Many people come into counseling hoping for a breakthrough moment and/or quick fix, where everything suddenly makes sense and life feels easier. These moments can happen, but lasting change more often comes from practicing new ways of thinking, responding, and caring for yourself over and over again. In other words, it comes from doing the reps. In running, a rep might be a mile repeat or a long training run. In mental health, the reps look different. They might be things like pausing before reacting in a difficult conversation, challenging a negative thought instead of automatically believing it, or practicing a coping skill when anxiety starts to rise. At first, these reps can feel awkward and uncomfortable. Just like starting a new training plan, the effort can feel heavy in the beginning. Our brains adapt in much the same way our bodies do. With each rep, new patterns start to take hold. That coping skill becomes more natural. The pause before reacting becomes easier. That difficult conversation becomes more manageable. Here are some reps you can give a try Drink a full glass of water when you wake up in the morning. Take five minutes before bed to simply focus on your breathing. Step outside for a short walk, even if it’s just around the block. Pause and take three slow breaths when you notice stress building. Write down one thing you’re grateful for at the end of the day. Remember! The goal isn’t perfection. It’s getting in the reps. Start with something small, even if it feels too easy. Some days the reps will feel easier than others. Some days they’ll feel heavy. Change tends to come from continuing to show up anyway. And eventually, the things that once felt difficult start to feel normal. That’s when real change begins to take hold.  Jonah Maichele is a counseling intern at Restore Therapy Collective. In his free time, Jonah enjoys running, playing guitar, and hammocking at the beach. His favorite foods include sushi, orange chicken, and his grandma’s specialty gnocchis.

Riding in Harmony: A New Way to Understand Your Emotions

By Morgan Peterson, LLMFT, LLPC • February 25, 2026
I so often hear things like, “I know I shouldn’t get angry, but I do,” or, “I get so anxious, and I should just let it go.” It’s a common refrain of things that should be done and ways we should behave. We talk about emotions as something to control rather than work alongside, but what would happen if we learned to work with our emotions rather than against them? Think of our emotions as a horse—they’re instinctual, reactive, powerful, and often rooted in survival mechanisms. Just like a horse, they can be strong and seemingly unpredictable. Now think of the rational part of ourselves as the rider of the horse; this is the part of us that plans, is logical, and tries to stay in control to lead us in deliberate direction. The goal isn’t to “break” the horse and give the rider total control, and the goal is also not to let the horse run wild. The goal is to build a relationship between the two. When the horse and rider work together in harmony, the journey is smooth. The horse provides energy and motivation while the rider offers direction and guidance. If the horse is too in charge, it might bolt with fear, anger, or desire, and this can lead us off trail. If the rider is too dominating, they may ignore signals from the horse until it erupts, or the horse is stifled to the point of low energy and lack of motivation. Therapeutic work often involves helping the rider understand and work with the horse by learning how to notice, respond to, and gently guide it. The goal isn’t control, but connection. It’s about building relationship between emotions and our rational selves to encourage understanding, respect, and resiliency within ourselves. We can listen to our emotions without being overwhelmed by them, and we can use our rational mind without it becoming a harsh inner-critic. Emotional regulation isn’t about silencing emotions, but learning to ride with them. Morgan Peterson, LLMFT, LLPC, is a therapist at Restore Therapy Collective. Morgan’s passion is helping people improve their relationships—with others and with themselves. When not in session, you can find her gardening, knitting, reading, or doing other “grandma” hobbies.

Child Therapy is Family Therapy

By Melanie Freeland, LLPC • November 3, 2025
There aren’t many more distressing ideas for parents than the thought of their child in emotional pain. Parents contact me often in a panic because they believe their child is struggling, and they feel as if they, as parents, are failing. That may be why it’s often surprising that the first direct question I ask at a parent consultation is, “How are YOU doing?” Children Don’t Exist in Isolation What brings a child to therapy is often a reflection of the distress the entire family system is experiencing. From the moment a child is born, their nervous system is shaped by things as seemingly minute as tone of voice and facial expressions. Stress experienced by parents and other caregivers does not go unnoticed. The difference with children is that they, developmentally, do not have the capacity to see themselves as separate from a caregiver’s stress, the boundaries haven’t been formed yet. Something as simple as a string of bad days at work for a caregiver can be interpreted by a child as a failing on their part. In other words, a child’s mental health is not just about their inner world, but about the “relational web” they are a part of every day. This ABSOLUTELY does not mean caregivers are ‘at fault’ for their child’s distress. It does mean that engaging in the therapy process and growing skills to model within the family system can be the biggest contributor to long-term therapeutic success. The Family as Co-Therapist; What does it mean to engage in the therapy process? Child therapists have different views on what constitutes best practice for parental involvement in therapy. Filial play therapists, who work with the entire family system (parents and kids at the same time) through play, have parents attend every session. Child-centered play therapists meet with parents separately on a regular schedule. Other child therapists may meet with parents for a few minutes during each session. There is no one correct model, but there are a few things to expect while working with your child’s therapist. Learning new skills : Identifying areas of difficulty (such as co-regulation, routines, or limit setting) and trying new strategies that work for the WHOLE family. Becoming situationally reflective, not self derogatory : Working toward a mindset of “What is my child communicating to me right now?” instead of “What am I doing wrong?” Growing in confidence and self-compassion : Internalizing the understanding that your job as a parent is not to solve every problem, but to help yourself remain regulated so that you can be with your child as they learn about the world around them. A Collaborative Journey The end goal of therapy for a child may not be for the child to be able to perfectly manage all situations. In fact, I would go so far as to say that SHOULDN’T be the end goal. Instead, working with a therapist to uncover what a child is bringing to the family system and finding ways to address the whole system can lead to faster and longer lasting therapeutic change. I challenge all parents to think of therapy for their child as a collaborative journey for the whole family, and find positive change for themselves in the journey as well. Melanie Freeland is a therapist at Restore Therapy Collective specializing in relational trauma and attachment. When she’s not with clients, she’s likely reading, baking, or spending time with her family. To schedule an appointment with Melanie, please send a secure message through our contact form .
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