The Power of a Word

Jen Hutchings, PhD, LMFT

I can’t set a boundary with my mom.


I can’t run a 5K.


I can’t go to the grocery store alone.


These are examples of typical statements we say to ourselves, likely even several times a day. Even though the content can vary depending on the person, the end result is the same. The typical statements above, if said often enough contribute to even more negative self-thoughts. These negative thoughts can make us feel stuck if left unchecked. Negative thoughts prevent us from seeing new possibilities in our life and get in the way of making changes. One of the things that can help us get unstuck is to change our mindset by changing the words we say to ourselves. 


Since we’re the person we spend the most time with, it is important to speak to ourselves the same way we would want others to speak to us. To foster a change in these thoughts, it needs to be habitual, consistent, and reliable self-talk. This may be difficult at first as we tend to ignore how limiting and impactful our negative thoughts can be. 


Sometimes one small change in the words we say to ourselves can open our minds to the possibility that the way we speak to ourselves has a large impact on the way we feel. This impact can even help us define our goals more clearly and create a clearer image of who we really are or strive to be. Sometimes our goals are specific: I want to run a 5K for the Halloween Fun Run. Sometimes they start broader: I want to increase my self-esteem. I’ve found that often before we even start to act on the goals and develop a plan, we need to tackle the obstacles, in this case, the negative phrases that we tell ourselves, each day such as:


I’m not a good guitar player.


I’m not a good conversationalist.


I’ve never had a good relationship. 


My challenge for you is to open your mind to the possibility that the words we say impact the way we grow and change. The first step is to convince your brain to open the door to these foreign words that can strengthen our confidence to change.


When I work with clients, sometimes they will voice self-limiting phrases that they believe to be 100% true At the end of their statement, I’ll pause, and gently add the word, ‘yet’. They often smile and recognize that the stuck feeling they feel ends as soon as see the choice between ‘never’ and ‘yet’. That even though things feel overwhelming and impossible now, there is a potential that things could be different, maybe even better down the road. 


Here's my trick and your challenge. Add the word YET at the end of your negative thought:


I can’t set a boundary with my mom. YET.


I can’t run a 5K. YET.


I can’t go to the grocery store alone. YET.



I’m not a good guitar player. YET.


I’m not a good conversationalist. YET.


I’ve never had a good relationship. YET.


Does that feel different? This small change gives your brain the message that another option is possible, and it has the potential for big change. That you can experience a different outcome by changing or adding a word. That you aren’t stuck in always being the same, forever. Once your brain believes that a different thought is even possible, you can start to explore new options and how you’re going to get there. It is a kinder, more compassionate, more patient way of gently reminding yourself that growth is possible every day. Then you’ll be able to catch yourself more regularly, changing your negative thoughts to more hopeful and compassionate ones. 


What thought are you going to add the word ‘yet’ to? Your homework for the week is to catch yourself thinking a negative self-thought. Then add the word ‘yet’ and see what happens. This small change is the minimum amount that you deserve. You are worth making this change and adding more self-kindness into your life. It’s a small change that will add up to big possibilities. Now get started on loving yourself the way you would love others.

 




Jen Hutchings, Ph.D, LMFT is a Therapist and Clinical Supervisor at Restore Therapy Collective. Jen started Restore as as way to help clients heal and grow through struggles in their life by connecting them with excellent, caring therapists. In her free time, Jen hangs out with with family and friends, snuggles her pets, and is always on the search for the perfect cup of tea.

Restore Therapy Collective

Doing the Reps: What Running Has Taught Me About Mental Health

By Jonah Maichele • April 20, 2026
As a runner, I’ve learned that progress rarely comes from a single run. Rather, it comes from doing the reps time and time again. Sometimes, it means long miles when my legs feel strong. Other times, it is dragging myself out the door when it’s still pitch black outside, and the temperature is well below freezing. Of course there have been plenty of mornings when the last thing I wanted to do was run (And there still are days I don’t want to). But over time, the runs that felt difficult or like a chore, slowly became part of my routine. Changing behavior and creating a routine often works the same way. Many people come into counseling hoping for a breakthrough moment and/or quick fix, where everything suddenly makes sense and life feels easier. These moments can happen, but lasting change more often comes from practicing new ways of thinking, responding, and caring for yourself over and over again. In other words, it comes from doing the reps. In running, a rep might be a mile repeat or a long training run. In mental health, the reps look different. They might be things like pausing before reacting in a difficult conversation, challenging a negative thought instead of automatically believing it, or practicing a coping skill when anxiety starts to rise. At first, these reps can feel awkward and uncomfortable. Just like starting a new training plan, the effort can feel heavy in the beginning. Our brains adapt in much the same way our bodies do. With each rep, new patterns start to take hold. That coping skill becomes more natural. The pause before reacting becomes easier. That difficult conversation becomes more manageable. Here are some reps you can give a try Drink a full glass of water when you wake up in the morning. Take five minutes before bed to simply focus on your breathing. Step outside for a short walk, even if it’s just around the block. Pause and take three slow breaths when you notice stress building. Write down one thing you’re grateful for at the end of the day. Remember! The goal isn’t perfection. It’s getting in the reps. Start with something small, even if it feels too easy. Some days the reps will feel easier than others. Some days they’ll feel heavy. Change tends to come from continuing to show up anyway. And eventually, the things that once felt difficult start to feel normal. That’s when real change begins to take hold.  Jonah Maichele is a counseling intern at Restore Therapy Collective. In his free time, Jonah enjoys running, playing guitar, and hammocking at the beach. His favorite foods include sushi, orange chicken, and his grandma’s specialty gnocchis.

Riding in Harmony: A New Way to Understand Your Emotions

By Morgan Peterson, LLMFT, LLPC • February 25, 2026
I so often hear things like, “I know I shouldn’t get angry, but I do,” or, “I get so anxious, and I should just let it go.” It’s a common refrain of things that should be done and ways we should behave. We talk about emotions as something to control rather than work alongside, but what would happen if we learned to work with our emotions rather than against them? Think of our emotions as a horse—they’re instinctual, reactive, powerful, and often rooted in survival mechanisms. Just like a horse, they can be strong and seemingly unpredictable. Now think of the rational part of ourselves as the rider of the horse; this is the part of us that plans, is logical, and tries to stay in control to lead us in deliberate direction. The goal isn’t to “break” the horse and give the rider total control, and the goal is also not to let the horse run wild. The goal is to build a relationship between the two. When the horse and rider work together in harmony, the journey is smooth. The horse provides energy and motivation while the rider offers direction and guidance. If the horse is too in charge, it might bolt with fear, anger, or desire, and this can lead us off trail. If the rider is too dominating, they may ignore signals from the horse until it erupts, or the horse is stifled to the point of low energy and lack of motivation. Therapeutic work often involves helping the rider understand and work with the horse by learning how to notice, respond to, and gently guide it. The goal isn’t control, but connection. It’s about building relationship between emotions and our rational selves to encourage understanding, respect, and resiliency within ourselves. We can listen to our emotions without being overwhelmed by them, and we can use our rational mind without it becoming a harsh inner-critic. Emotional regulation isn’t about silencing emotions, but learning to ride with them. Morgan Peterson, LLMFT, LLPC, is a therapist at Restore Therapy Collective. Morgan’s passion is helping people improve their relationships—with others and with themselves. When not in session, you can find her gardening, knitting, reading, or doing other “grandma” hobbies.

Child Therapy is Family Therapy

By Melanie Freeland, LLPC • November 3, 2025
There aren’t many more distressing ideas for parents than the thought of their child in emotional pain. Parents contact me often in a panic because they believe their child is struggling, and they feel as if they, as parents, are failing. That may be why it’s often surprising that the first direct question I ask at a parent consultation is, “How are YOU doing?” Children Don’t Exist in Isolation What brings a child to therapy is often a reflection of the distress the entire family system is experiencing. From the moment a child is born, their nervous system is shaped by things as seemingly minute as tone of voice and facial expressions. Stress experienced by parents and other caregivers does not go unnoticed. The difference with children is that they, developmentally, do not have the capacity to see themselves as separate from a caregiver’s stress, the boundaries haven’t been formed yet. Something as simple as a string of bad days at work for a caregiver can be interpreted by a child as a failing on their part. In other words, a child’s mental health is not just about their inner world, but about the “relational web” they are a part of every day. This ABSOLUTELY does not mean caregivers are ‘at fault’ for their child’s distress. It does mean that engaging in the therapy process and growing skills to model within the family system can be the biggest contributor to long-term therapeutic success. The Family as Co-Therapist; What does it mean to engage in the therapy process? Child therapists have different views on what constitutes best practice for parental involvement in therapy. Filial play therapists, who work with the entire family system (parents and kids at the same time) through play, have parents attend every session. Child-centered play therapists meet with parents separately on a regular schedule. Other child therapists may meet with parents for a few minutes during each session. There is no one correct model, but there are a few things to expect while working with your child’s therapist. Learning new skills : Identifying areas of difficulty (such as co-regulation, routines, or limit setting) and trying new strategies that work for the WHOLE family. Becoming situationally reflective, not self derogatory : Working toward a mindset of “What is my child communicating to me right now?” instead of “What am I doing wrong?” Growing in confidence and self-compassion : Internalizing the understanding that your job as a parent is not to solve every problem, but to help yourself remain regulated so that you can be with your child as they learn about the world around them. A Collaborative Journey The end goal of therapy for a child may not be for the child to be able to perfectly manage all situations. In fact, I would go so far as to say that SHOULDN’T be the end goal. Instead, working with a therapist to uncover what a child is bringing to the family system and finding ways to address the whole system can lead to faster and longer lasting therapeutic change. I challenge all parents to think of therapy for their child as a collaborative journey for the whole family, and find positive change for themselves in the journey as well. Melanie Freeland is a therapist at Restore Therapy Collective specializing in relational trauma and attachment. When she’s not with clients, she’s likely reading, baking, or spending time with her family. To schedule an appointment with Melanie, please send a secure message through our contact form .
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